Sorry for my absence as of late.
You know I've been going through lots of shit with this break-up.
Lotsa shit. Period. It seemed to be going well, I was fighting an uphill battle and I've done well for myself thusfar...
Or I tell myself that...
Hell I even patched things up wit mah girl. She asked ME to come back O.o [i know, right?]
2 days ago everything fell together and was just peachy keen. I had a beautiful future laid out.
Today my boss comes and calls us to the back. He'd bought the Quiznos a few months back, but he tells us that the previous owner had fucked up bad, leaving the current owner so far in the red... So... the Government is coming in to take everything that the previous owner had owned. Some apartments were already taken from him, Quiznos is next followed by the trailer park that I live in. So it seems this fucker owns me in every way possible xD. Looks like he is going to be going to jail for tax evasion...
So getting to the point, the manager told us to start putting in applications elsewhere, as he didn't see the business making it through January...
I've got one full paycheck coming in... so hopefully I can have maybe $500 saved up ._.
lol, between my next one and [hopefully] a last one... push comes to shove, I can sell my Wii and DS... Maybe I can get a loan, watever, that isn't my issue. [your thoughts?]
My issue is the girl. I love her. Simple as that. I have fought 95% of the people I have spoken with, and respect [very] highly, in staying beside her. Not giving up on her. Not giving up on myself and proving to myself that I can fight for something I hold dear. This was my promise to her. I've devoted my life to her. These last 6 years with her in my life have really been the best. I have been through hell for this girl, because of this girl, and with this girl. I feel that I only need faith. Me and her may not have a lot in common, but that only brings to mind that she is indeed my 'better half.' I will not go further into this tangent, but there are more than just the obvious 'reasons' for staying with her.
I know what I want. I just do not know if I can do it. I feel pre-mature enlightenment behind my eyes when I sleep at night and awake looking for it. Smelling it so close, but not knowing where it is coming from. Maybe it's time for another leap into the unknown?
Plus lack of support from her mother and my mother telling me that she sees my father in me is a huge damper on this fucking situation... With a phone call from said person to top off what I call 'today.' That's always a huge buncha sunshine added to my day >.> The worst lie is an 'i love you,' people.

anywaaaaaaaaaays...
Another thing buggin me is my 'sister situation.' This whole situation with herself is quite awful. She's really changed [in a bad way.] She was one of the main people against me an my girl, constantly telling me to lose her cause she ain't for me. Not necessarily making her the bad guy, but a broken [an quite possibly bitter] heart is not what I feel I should be listening to atm. She throws somethin important away, replaces it with somethin/someone not so pleasant, and things start going downhill. I mean it's her thing, not mine, but I really have a problem when she starts saying words like 'bitch' in front of my lil brother and justifies it with someone else's actions. Lol, :iconwherearemymoralsplz: Just feel like I can't look up to her anymore :\ Tired of this 'one day I'll go back' shit. I want results. I am bored of saying 'wtf' on account of the things I hear.
Plus I've been growing distant with my once close friends. Not necessarily a bad thing but it ain't great. Truth be told, I am losing my heroes from one day to the next and I cannot decide whether it is something I have to do or something I've done unintentionally. I mean, I looked up to certain people when I was at my lowest. Maybe they promoted that? Maybe it is time to switch positions? Time for me to lead? Maybe this is me growing up.
I feel my time here in Texas is coming to a close. I need out. I need Kolette. I need a future that makes me smile. These next few months will be shit, but I need to invest myself in something and or someone... I've been thinking a lot about family lately... not the ones that I have but the one that I one day hope to have, and to protect. It's what I want.
Pray for me and keep me in your thoughts as I venture into life.
I will not be very talkative here, but I will post when I draw.
Sorry in advance for any delays in messages I get. It really boils down to how i feel when lookin through my message center... Dun wanna come off bitter or anything...
Love you all... take care and hope to see you soon.